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REAL relationships scare me. Of any sort really, boyfriend, best friend, any type of close bond that you share with someone outside of family. When you start throwing around titles and changing statuses it makes it real, and when it becomes real people get hurt. I’m tired of getting hurt or having high expectations of how my relationship should be because of the stupid titles. I’ve recently started dating someone. By all standards you could say that he is my ‘boyfriend’ BUT I have and will not confirm nor deny the status of our relationship to anyone, not even him. I’m sure he’s very confused and maybe frustrated by this. I’ve tried on two occasions to tell him my feelings regarding the whole title/ changing of the relationship status but I don’t have the words or I choke. Thing is, if this re--, well whatever we are continues it would be long distance, he’s only here for the summer and long distance relationships scare me even more than real ones, well real long distance ones anyway. I’m not saying that they can’t work; because I know they can, I’ve seen it. But in order for a long distance relationship to work, I mean really last. The two people have to be in love, really in love or else they’d meet someone else or forget about the person they left behind. They should be friends first so they know each other well; you can’t just meet someone and jump into a romantic relationship. It won’t work because you’ll be doing all the couple stuff and trying to get to know each other at the same time and that’s a recipe for disaster. The distance really doesn’t mean much if you’re in love, distance is just a fragment, if you truly love someone you will still love them no matter where they are on the planet. “It’s like that with love- we may be close, we may be far, but our love surrounds us…wherever we are.” That quote is so true. If I told the boy that I’m dating that the reason I don’t want to continue this relationship is because he’s too far away would be utter bullshit. There’s no such thing as being too far away from the person you love because they are always in your heart. I’m tired of dating for just the sake of dating or being called someone’s girlfriend. I don’t want to belong to anyone except Christ.
I met someone who gets me, I mean really gets me. Okay, so I have this thing that I do where I say all the craziest weirdest things I can think of around a guy to see if he gets creeped out or calls me weird and that’s how I know okay I can’t even hang with this dude. The day I did this with the particular boy in question, he didn’t look at me funny or call me any names he just carried on with the conversation and even agreed with some of my crazy ideas. This has never happened to me before, I’ve never felt so comfortable, no not comfortable, at home, I’ve never felt so at home with a boy before. I have all these ideas of how “my perfect relationship would go” how he’d look, his many talents (I’ve got a crazy taste for musicians, well artsy types in general, especially guitar players), height, how I’d get along with the family, especially his mother. But with this guy none of that mattered. Sadly, I’m afraid I’ve pushed him too far away and by the time I stop running because I’ve been told and now realize that I’ve been running from him, he will no longer share the same feelings. But if this love is true, his love won’t be going anywhere ;)
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